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Kansans have told the LIFE Project that they know it is important to talk and plan – but that it is difficult to do.  Too many Kansans do not share with those they love about their wishes for care if they should ever become unable to speak for themselves.

Sometimes the toughest conversations are the most important.  It is not easy to talk with those we love about the end of life. Most people tell us that it is difficult to do, but they feel helped and reassured by having these conversations

While the conversations are tough, they can make a big difference for everyone.  We encourage you to talk with those you love.  Having these meaningful conversations before a family is in crisis is important.

Some ideas about ways to begin the conversations include:

·        Find the courage to open the conversation.  If a family member expresses fears or questions about their health and wellness, ask questions to get more information.

It is easy to want to push the concern aside with comments like:

           “Don’t talk like that.” 

           “You are not going to die.”

           “ You’ll be better soon.”

 Instead, you might say something like:

 “What is it that concerns you most?”
                       

 “What does your doctor say?”

 

·        Try, as difficult as it is, to talk naturally, about a time when the person you love will no longer be alive.   You might try conversations starters something like this:

“Are there some special stories about you that we could write down to share with the grandchildren on their 21^st birthday?"

“Is there a special gift that you would like a grandchild to have on his/her wedding day?”

Sometimes, people who are very ill will respond by sharing information that will allow discussion of future hopes, plans, and fears.

·        Talk about the current hopes and fears of someone who is very ill.  You might ask questions like:

                “Do you think the pain might get worse?”

                “What do you think will happen during the next few months?”

·        With a seriously ill person, you might talk about questions that you could discuss with others that might help you talk with one another as well.  Sometimes, having a third person is helpful.  You might ask questions like:

“Mom, are there questions we could write down to ask the doctor next time we see her?”

“Would you like to talk with the pastor?”

Other ideas include:

·        Get generations together to share stories, make memory books and have fun.  Watch for opportunities to talk about the time after a person is no longer with you.

·        Talk about those who lived before and are no longer alive.  Try something like, “I love to hear the stories you share about grandma.  Let’s get you to tell some of your own stories on a cassette tape so we’ll always have them with us.”

·        Have grandchildren interview grandparents about their lives. 

·        Encourage your faith community to sponsor conversations among and between families.  In 2001, the LIFE Project will focus on providing tools that will help with this.

 

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